Loving sometimes means fighting to stay in love with the kind of agony with which Jesus fought in the garden, where He was in such deep mental and emotional anguish that He sweat drops of blood.

I have fought with that kind of anguish to stay at Church in the Valley from 2009 to now. And every time that I have asked God for permission to leave, He has told me that it is my choice but that it would not be the best choice.

For all of these years, He has helped me to worship, serve, and love where I have been hurt, and He has brought healing and fulfillment to me and to those who were instrumental in that pain. He guided me to my healers, most of whom were not in what we call church. All were a part of the real church, the family of humans with whom we share life in this realm.

He has especially helped me to check the beam in my own eyes that also cause others pain.

He has protected my children by guiding me to different places of safety, where they were surrounded by people who really saw them, while the people in the church did their best. And as I have healed and matured He has shown me how to protect them, and how to honour their freedom as they choose their healing path.

And as I have matured in healing and freedom, He has shown me that I go to church to see the face of God reflected in every human being there, and especially in the faces of those whom I cannot stand, as my big sister Brené says; and God threw in a little extra sauce one morning a few weeks ago when He reminded me that there are also some whom cannot stand me 😂. Come on now – what’s not to love? 🤷🏾‍♀️

Church is a place of complex unity and love that is absolutely perfect and beautifully reflects our Father’s love for ALL of us.

May we live in the renewal of the anguish of love with the certainty that God will send angels to minister to us just as He did for Jesus.

So if you struggle today know that our Father is with you in this very agonizing fight to stay in love. Look at the faces of all and see God reflected in you and also in them.