I have known that there is a story, but I did not know how to tell it. It’s so big. There’s so much. It’s wonderful and painful. For many years I’ve struggled with this beautiful burden on my heart. I have lived a life of thunderstorms and rainbows. I have experienced the light and the dark of this world, brilliantly, from the safety of my Heavenly Father’s hands. And I am certain that my telling will guide someone else to light, because others’ telling has guided me to light. How do I tell it though, while keeping safe myself, as well as these loved ones, whom I cherish?
Why do I even worry about our safety? I worry, because I know that we are all imperfect and delightfully perfect at once. I know that we all desire to be known, to be seen, to be loved. And I know our deepest fear is that someone hearing our truth will grasp us by the most delicate parts of our being, our weaknesses, our secret hopes, our shame, and will unforgivingly dash us to pieces. We worry because that worry is real, and I promise you now, as I promised you before, LOVE WINS. It will all be okay.
“I am always good”. Those seemed to be impossible words. How? Nothing and nobody is always good. And so I did what I do, resolutely assert my truth. If you asked me how I was doing, I would respond with “Mostly good. I’m doing my best.” And as I write this I can see my Father fondly smiling at me with a little grin on His face. He knows that His girl is resolute with a tinge of stubbornness. We’re working it out.
Anyway, as often happens when I pick up a writing instrument truth begins to flow. Several years prior as I sat in worship one morning, and read Peter’s thoughts on authority the Spirit of God told me that I needed to apologize to Pastor Dave, not for being “mostly good” but for holding disrespect in my heart. He reminded me that we all have highs and lows, and He further told me that He never allowed me to see anyone to hold it against them, but to know how to pray for them – how to come in agreement with them before the King of Kings for healing and growth. And so I apologized. Alpha Adia needed to do that, so that I could see more clearly and love more dearly.
Mostly good 😅. Dudes I fought with that little sentence for so long, and then on the day that I sat with a card, pen in hand, trying to hear what my heart really wanted to say as he was going into surgery, the truth came to me: we are always good because we were created that way. And when God had completed His work of creating humanity He said it was very good. Not just good, but very good. Always and forever good. And even though life’s troubles and trials might make a mess of our royal robes, our Father runs continuously to cover us with His love because we are still, always and forever very good. I wrote that, and I commended all into the Father’s hands so that many many many more people would come to know that they were also always very good.
Why the struggle though? Because years before I had seen a vision of everything burning to the ground as love grew cold. That hurt my heart in conjunction with the same spirit that lead Noah to curse Canaan. Thoughts spoken were causing harm. Unconsciously perhaps, and in reality all the same.
As I saw I began to listen to God tell me that I did not see to hold in contempt, but always so that I would know how to pray. And as I prayed love began to heal the hurt. As I healed, I would encounter people who were hurting too, and I could hear them and guide them to pray too. No contempt only love.
I believed in the vision. I invested in the vision. The ark was built to hold space for healing and restoration of humanity on Earth as it is in heaven. I believed in the love that designed and called Noah to build the ark, and I believed in that for us too, and so in alignment with God’s heart I brought people to the ark, even as I worried about our safety.
BUT GOD held the ark, and all its occupants in His hands, and He didn’t accidentally select Noah to build it. Just so with us.
As 2020 unfolded I was proud of our Noah for holding the vision of building this ark. CIV was a lifesaving space for many in our community, and still there was the pain. If we wanted to heal it could only happen with truth. And friends as we prayed God did that too. He brought healing through truth telling, even though that did not happen in the traditional church setting.
And so I did the things that God showed me to do and watched Him literally surround me with His beautiful waters
as I engaged for growth and healing.
Friends as we prayed together and read through the Bible in Route 66, I saw how God’s held us all in His hands, how He wants freedom and renewal for us in truth not in tradition. While we were hurting, working, healing and praying, God was opening the doors of the ark so that there could be renewal.
And here we are in this season of renewal. Just like Noah we have held space for healing, and like Noah we have also sometimes caused harm. Yes, we. Those beams have often blocked our eyes, knocking others out while we squint at our neighbour’s dust. We have sometimes betrayed Jesus and each other. But better days are here if we allow Him to work on upgrading our status to: healed in truth and reconciliation.
We worship together, we work together, we build together, we live in renewal together because of whom God is. We look each other in the face so that we can see the image of God reflected in each other and in ourselves, because we are always good, created for love. We examine our hearts with Him and seek healing and renewal of our vision in His hands. We must make a choice. Do we go forward together, we and our houses serving the Lord in love, in alignment with His will, or will we hide from healing in shame? https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+24%3A15&version=NLT
As for me and my house we will serve the Lord, because of Whom He is: Love.
May we find our identity in Him.
Victory is ours. May we dance in renewal, as we get up off our knees and do the work in Jesus name.
Nurturing Kindred 