Psst: Mama rocking it alone. Today isn’t our day. I know that people tend to tell you happy Father’s Day, but can I tell you why I say no thank you?

We ARE amazing mothers, and we do that on our own with a whole world looking on telling us how we are superhuman for carrying the responsibilities of two people when we’re not. The world elevates us as superheroes because that lie deadens onlookers’ consciences when they don’t step in to serve as a part of our community (it’s called cognitive dissonance).

Mama, if you buy into the lie that you are an amazing father you will rob your children of the best of you, because you will keep trying to do ALL of the things, at the cost of your own health and well-being, and your children, over whom the statisticians declare doom, will suffer too.

So, here’s what I suggest we do:

1. Look what is true in the face

2. Grieve the physical absence of the father

3. Find your healer and begin to heal from the painful loss

4. Make a healing plan for the wounds from the barrage of judgment that will come from bystanders.

5. Plan life with your children as mom alone, and build a village of other moms who understand.

6. Know that God will fill the father gaps that matter most now, and then in eternity all will be well again

7. Expect pain. Know that beauty will come of it in some way.

Your children will have what matters most – a strong, vibrant, innovative you, if you face truth with love.

Happy unFather’s Day single mama. Today is a day for you to love what is.