Discussion with people who want to learn how to feel all emotion well is my favourite part of doing my work. We’re just all regular people who want to do well together. What’s below is some of what I’ve learned through lived experience, vulnerable conversation, therapy, reading, listening to podcasts, and listening to other people’s lived experience.

We often fear communicating our thoughts because we’re worried about whether or not we’ll be able to handle seeing someone else experience a painful emotion, as we are honestly addressing our needs from a place of love and hope for healthy connection. It’s better to communicate, because it hurts more to withhold. It hurts us all more, because the painful energy attached to whatever we’re feeling hangs between us like acid eating away at our connections. Energy is palpable. It’s felt (as it should be) because feeling our energy lets us know that we’re either okay or we need to take action to get to okay.

Connect first. Let them know that you want to maintain connection, and want to work on fixing the things that will create unhealthy connection (AKA separation) if left unchecked.

Share about your hurts as well. Don’t assume that there is no room for your loved ones to hear your hurts because they share about theirs. And if you’re accustomed to holding your hurts close in fear of rejection, tap into the courage of vulnerability. Be brave, and share wisely.

If those whom we love never have the opportunity to help someone carry their hurts then they won’t know how to. Mastering anything takes practice.

Be whom you need for yourself. Be willing to carry your own hurts without another person. David, my teacher/mentor reminds me often that we need to be willing to be the only person to carry our hurts. In fact, I think that our very lives depend on this. And also ask other people if they have the space to be present for you, because we were meant to do life in connection with at least one other, and ideally more than just one.

We are made to be our own best adult support, and we are also made to need each other. Both things.

Love for the process. It’s hard; we got this, AND Dad’s got us.