God Freed My Fucks (and became my best friend)

Foreword:

For the longest time God has been telling me to write. For some reason I thought They meant that I needed to write in a physical journal. I love the idea of journals, and I have a zillion begun, and not completed. Anyway, I kept fighting with writing because I also assumed that it needed to be an epic War and Peace length opus.

 Fuck that.

How did I get to that fuck? Here is how?

Academics kept telling me that I needed to write too, and then they laid out this box into which my writing needed to fit. This many words. That structure. They might as well have given me the keys to a rockin’ stick shift Toyota, or an Audi if we’re getting hifalutin, and then set a mountain down in front of me, as my route. I can rock the shit out of that shift, and I absolutely freeze like a sloth in headlights on mountains. Well not freeze, because I always keep moving, I actually can’t stop until I get to the base. I just move like a terrified decelerated sloth in fright mode.

Then the dearest friend of my heart wrote and published an anthology – a beautiful gift of the poetry of her heart: Rise up And Speak: In Rhyme If You Must, by Tina L. Stenmark.

I ordered it as soon as it was available, and squealed with delight on the day that I finally retrieved mine from the mailbox. Snail mail. Snail mail, Amazon. I’d been waiting for the typical Prime speedy delivery to my door. Snail mail. That makes perfect sense in light of my story though. A recurring message is that I need to slow down, and trust the process.

Fuck! Writing that was a Eureka moment for me.  I’m glad that I got to share that with you, dear reader. I love sharing these moments, especially when they show up right in the middle of my time in interaction with others. You’re not here with me physically, reader friend, and I am with you in spirit. I feel you near, and I am writing as if I was sitting in conversation with you.

This is me. Fuck yeah!

So, I opened the package and had two simultaneous moments of orgasmic joy. Look what my friend DID, and OH! I don’t have to write War and Peace. I can write as me. Even now as I write these words my heart is smiling so deeply because her work freed me.

Fuuuck. Yeah.

As I write this we are not actively in friendship, and my heart bleeds. It matters that I include this fact, because I believe in living with integrity. Life is not a fairytale. And though my heart bleeds and feels as if it will bleed from the space where we were forever, I am carrying on. We are carrying on I think, because we know that we can. God is with us – with me and with her, even if we are not any longer journeying together.

So  now I write because it is so deeply important to me to share with you the idea that we can be free if we choose to accept God’s love. To get here God freed my fucks, and became my best friend. And They want me to tell you that you can be best friends with Them too. Not with me though. I love you and all. I love being with people for blocks of time in large numbers. I love connecting with people one on one, and I have come to learn that I function best with a small kitchen table of very close friends. So let me introduce you to God, My Love, my best friend. They are still opening spaces at Their table.