Core thoughts in my mind/heart today.

1. It was a beautiful Sabbath – a wonderful time of rest and connection with God and my immediate family.
2. The desire for supremacy was the original sin. So why are we continuing to try to gain the gaze of the well known in order to feel as if we contribute significantly to the progress of humanity? Why is it not enough to invest everything possible in just one? Why do we keep trying to be well known instead of knowing how to love each one unconditionally well.
3. If we need (underline and emphasize need) and demand apologies in order to be made whole are we declaring that we are better than the people from whom we expect or demand apologies?

Are we debtors oppressing debtors, instead of forgivers forgiving forgivers? Are we punishers punishing and being punished or are we lovers loving and being loved?

4. Jesus told us that we would learn best and be most successful if we become like little children, so why do parents feel and behave as if superior to children, teachers feel and behave as if superior to students, employers feel and behave as if superior to employees, pastors feel and behave as if superior to congregants, husbands superior to wives, mothers superior to fathers, heterosexual superior to all etc. etc. etc.
5. When we stop blaming and shaming others and start to recognize that we are all looking at a reflection of ourselves in other people’s bodies regardless of age, skin colour, gender, we will become more and more grateful for grace.

We are souls with equal portions of divinity experiencing life in human bodies.

So far this has been my experience. And I am very deeply grateful that God is patient with me as I see these truths and struggle to improve.

We keep conflating awareness with proficiency, and so we struggle with the blight of superiority which robs us of joy.

Awareness has never been equal to proficiency, that is why forgiveness and grace are such valuable tools in relationship.

I am learning to keep trusting God to fill in the gaps where people have caused me harm, and I am learning to admit that God is filling in gaps where I have caused harm.

My goal is to be more consistently a forgiver forgiving forgivers and a lover loving and being loved with the wisdom of God’s grace equipping me to internally experience and interact with each person with the equity that they need. For this is the only way that I can live with good boundaries for self and not against other.

To do this I have to keep letting God teach me to feel everything and learn what to do with the information gained from my feelings, until my heart absorbs enough light to finally be able to see.

Oh my friend, Paul, blinded externally as you were internally on the Damascus road. You and I have wrestled for so long. And my heart this morning is so deeply connected with yours in understanding that we see through glasses meant to help our vision, and even then what we see is still shadowy and broken up by the thin lines of gold with which our shattered lenses have been repaired. For now, we see through a glass darkly and then we will see with perfect clarity, with new glasses with perfectly restored lenses one day.

We have this hope.