I write from the point of view of a woman who was raised in the Christian religion, with its brand of orthodoxy. Therefore my language and terms of reference may revert to the dialect of that community. That language does not suggest that Christianity holds the universal default set of beliefs. It is the normal impact of being exposed to any first language. In adulthood, I have examined the doctrines and beliefs of my childhood, and have emerged with a view of grace and compassion that connects me to a closer more open connection with the Source of Love as the creative power that has a much broader view of freedom than is held in the orthodoxy of any one system. We have so much light to give and take from each other.

Yesterday, I expressed a resounding “Amen” as I read what my friend, Leah, wrote it in the “God’s Hand Leads” women’s group. I felt that the Spirit of God was clearly moving on our hearts with the same message for some deeply healing reason. I went to the group to share a thought that had been weighing on my heart. Expressing it had finally came together, and there I saw that earlier in the day, Leah had beautifully shared something similar.

The synchronicity is such a blessing of confirmation.

This is what I shared there.

This year is ten years since I have allowed God to work on purging my heart of the desire to gossip, as They show me why it’s so deeply dangerous. Tonight, as I watched Wicked with my children, the thought below began to unfold for me.

Gossip is a deeply horrible popular form of manipulation, which is so prevalent among us that we have accepted it as a relational norm. It is dangerous and harmful because it facilitates the transformation of innocent people into flying monkeys, who steal the freedom, productivity, and creativity of the gossiper’s target. It so deeply painful to the ones unnaturally transformed against their true will, and it is ultimately destructive to the common good of all, including the one who seeks to control the narrative.

This is the real horror of narcissism. And what is narcissism? Narcissism is a protective destructive illness of the mind of a being who thinks themselves inadequate and powerless, having been separated from loving community.

It is the result of intentional or unintentional isolation, criticism, and repeated insult to natural talent in the formative years when personality is emerging.

The intention is immaterial. The outcome is what matters: narcissists do not see the beauty of themselves reflected in the loving relationships around them. They only see themselves in the mirror of isolation.

Narcissism is born of fear, and can only be cast out by a choice to take the medicine of love.

In this world of both chaos and goodwill there are elements of narcissism in all of us, as each person in each generation is affected by isolation, criticism, and insult to varying degrees. Some of us are affected more profoundly than others.

Since the choice to accept love is the only cure for narcissism, is it best for us to label, ostracize, and shame narcissists, or is it best for us to compassionately offer more love while creating personal boundaries where we determine how we will engage, and how we will rest?

Social, public service, civic, personal, and religious experiences over the last several years have taught me something that I fully learned today: being in a relationship with someone, or with an organization is not equivalent to consenting to abuse, assault, and exploitation.

Experiencing some positive interactions in these spaces does not eliminate the possibility and reality of abuse, assault, and exploitation.

Abusers try to gaslight and rewrite the narrative to suggest that proximity implies consent. This is an attempt to evade accountability.

We reject that premise and we choose to live and win like Bathsheba did when faced with the same dilemma.

I think that we all need to examine our hearts, and see where this is true of ourselves. We may want to look outward at some person or organization which has abused us. And what about what we have done?

This may seem as if it is no groundbreaking realization, but today my mind is fully open for the first time without doubt about the normalization of the culture of abuse, assault, and exploitation in churches, businesses, governments, and nonprofits, which is carried over into families, friendships, schools, and professional care settings.

I am not looking at these things through brand new eyes, I am just finally fully accepting what my eyes see, and I am hoping that as I share this realization more people will experience the freedom of recognizing that living with abuse, assault, and exploitation is not okay.

It is acceptable to be free. It is our right to be free, respected, protected, and cherished in all spheres of life.

Whether the abuse, assault, and exploitation was intentional or unintentional is immaterial. What matters is that we call it what it is, and require change and accountability.

This is the purpose of the process of truth and reconciliation which Jesus outlines for us in Matthew 18:15-17. Reconciliation cannot exist without truth.

Our very core peace is unleashed when we recognize that in the final line of this passage Jesus was instructing us to forgive the one (individual or organization) who is still bound by fear and shame, and who has not yet chosen to be freed by the medicine of love.

The scales of doubt fall off of our eyes, and we can see clearly as we claim the deep peace which is wrapped in these words: “My God, I forgive them and yearn that they will find forgiveness from you, because at this point they do not recognize that they are building a personal and collective legacy of pain instead of claiming the freedom and prosperity that they seek (Father, forgive them for they know not what they do).

It is probably of utmost importance that we first forgive ourselves of such things so that we can freely forgive others.

What blame and shame are we experiencing towards ourselves that is preventing us from fully accessing our power with the full capacity of compassion and love, which frees us to directly connect in love to the Source of Love with all our hearts, and build a more beautiful world than we could ever even imagine as we love our neighbours as we love ourselves?