God is my best friend. They’ve been with me from day one. And as I grew to know them more we became besties.

My bestie started really levelling up our reasoning sessions about how I was showing up as a parent.

They started out by inviting me to slow down enough to see that my actions weren’t congruent with my hope and intentions to build a healthy productive relationship with my children so that we might become a unit that embodied mutuality, cooperation, innovation and love.

Once I actually slowed down to observe I realized that God was right. All three of them. Creator, Son, and Nurturer – Father, Brother, Mother.

And here is where I am today. This is what I am learning:

So often, as parents, we unconsciously set two standards:
• For children: They must tolerate our moods, our authority, our corrections—even when we are tired, impatient, or inconsistent.
• For ourselves: We give ourselves permission not to tolerate certain things from them—whining, mistakes, anger, “attitude.”

It creates an imbalance: children are expected to absorb far more from us than we are willing to absorb from them.

God’s Challenge

The Spirit invited me to re-examine this imbalance:
• What if our children deserve the same patience, gentleness, and endurance that we hope for from them?
• What if love in parenting means modeling the tolerance and compassion that we want them to practice toward us?

It doesn’t erase boundaries or guidance: as parents we still carry the role of guiding, protecting, and teaching, but it shifts the posture from control to mutual love under God’s authority, not ours.

A Mirror of God’s Love

This challenge reflects God’s own way with us. God doesn’t demand that we tolerate Their mood swings. They don’t have any. They maturely maintain balance. They don’t swing wildly because They don’t blame or shame. They reflect, assess, and progress and meet our immaturity with mercy, correction with patience, and guidance with grace.

Parenting in God’s image means moving toward that same balance: holding boundaries, and not expecting from our children what we aren’t willing to give back in return.

Reflection Questions:

• Where do I expect more tolerance from my children than I give to them?
• How do I respond when my child is overwhelmed? Do I allow myself the same space when I am overwhelmed?
• What do I believe God’s patience with me looks like? How can I mirror that for my children?
• What would change in my family if I practiced the same compassion I long for in my hardest moments?
• Am I teaching endurance, gentleness, and forgiveness by example—or only by demand?

2. Daily Practices

Morning Prayer/Intention

“God of mercy, teach me to guide my children the way you guide me—with patience, compassion, and truth. Let love be my standard today.”

3. Pause-and-Mirror

When frustration rises:
• Pause.
• Ask: Would I want to be treated this way if I were the child?
• Adjust tone, posture, or words before responding.

4. Communicate With Mutual Respect

Daily Mini-Practice: Communicate With Mutual Respect

When something difficult comes up with your child, try this 3-step rhythm:

A. Listen First

Pause before responding. Give your child at least 30 seconds to finish their thought without interruption.
Really listen—train your mind not to rebut or debate, just listen.

“I hear you. Tell me more.”

B. Reflect and Name

Acknowledge their feeling or perspective before moving to correction.
As Gordon Neufeld reminds us: “We connect before we direct.”

“It sounds like you’re feeling left out.”

C. Respond with Boundaries and Respect

Hold your authority gently, not harshly.

“I hear that you are frustrated. We can be both frustrated and kind. I’m okay with waiting so that we can get to calm together.”

• Work on calming together if/when they are able.
• It’s okay to wait. It’s okay to give as much time as needed.
• Exercise your patience muscle.

Then, when calm:

“Let’s find a way forward together.”

Remember that we grow community with informed compassion.

What do we know?
Our children’s central nervous system is still developing.

They have had experiences that have activated survival skills instead of communication/thriving skills

We can be the calming component to their storm with patience, kindness, gentleness, gratitude, grace, and hope – with emotions as messengers not as motors.

Emotions are messengers, not motors. They are signals that guide us toward deeper connection, not engines that should drive us into conflict.

This is the challenge God—my best friend—has placed before me as a mama. And it is the challenge I now place gently before you.